Category Archives: Psychology

How to think positively: Key tips and tricks

03 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by in Mind, Psychology, Reflections, Wellbeing

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Focus on your breath: take in a deep breath, and as you inhale, feel the positive energy flowing into you…then, as you exhale, feel the negativity leaving your body…now relax as you draw your attention to the top of your head, your face, your shoulders, your arms…

My first session of Positive Thinking at Inner Space began with us feeling completely relaxed and carefree in a meditative state.

Week one of this three-week course involved understanding what exactly positive thinking is: the kind of thoughts we have and how we can try to experience more positivity, despite our circumstances.

When asked why we were all there, most of us said something along the lines of:

  • “I’m going through a tough time right now and I’d like to learn how to cope.”
  • “I often have negative thoughts and I want to know how to avoid them.”
  • “I think being more positive would improve my health.”

If this sounds like you too, read on!

Four types of thought

We were told that on a normal day we have about 60,000 thoughts, which can be a combination of:

  1. Positive thoughts: benefit yourself and others e.g. happiness, acceptance, gratitude, love and peace.
  2. Negative thoughts: harm yourself and others e.g. anxiety, fear, doubt, envy and greed.
  3. Waste thoughts: have no value e.g. random musings, thinking about the past/future and pointless planning.
  4. Necessary thoughts: accompany everyday tasks such as eating, drinking, working etc.

What is a thought?

We were given the analogy that a thought is like a seed that you plant in the soil (your mind). Your life is the garden and you, the gardener, are in control of its upkeep.

You can either water the seeds with positivity so that healthy plants and flowers grow (positive feelings and actions), or neglect the seeds and allow weeds to grow (negative feelings and actions).

You also need a fence around your garden so that people don’t throw rubbish into it. This is the metaphorical shield you need to prevent the harmful things in your life from influencing/affecting you.

Apparently it’s completely possible to have a garden full of beautiful flowers and plants, and not a single weed. You and only you are in charge of your garden.

Ways to think positively

1) Live in the moment!

Put simply:

Past = Pain

Future = Fear

Present = 🙂

And you can aim to live your life in the present by:

  • Focusing on the task at hand.
  • Doing things you enjoy, whether that’s yoga, listening to music or seeing friends.
  • Learning to meditate.

2) SOS

This is a handy acronym for consciously changing the way you think:

Step back: from a negative thought

Observe: your thought process

Steer: your thought in a positive direction

So basically, once you’re aware you’re thinking negatively, replace that negative thought with a positive one.

3) Examples of positive thoughts 

…towards:

Yourself: you are unique: accept and believe in yourself.

Others: everyone is equal: appreciate, help and be grateful towards others.

Past: accept it, let go and move on.

Future: look forward to it and anticipate that you will succeed.

Can’t wait for next week!

The Sheldon Cooper Theory: Why we all love the awkward know-it-all!

09 Sunday Sep 2012

Posted by in 'Reasons to be Beautiful' articles, Arts, Psychology, Television

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Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D, Sc.D, has an IQ of 187. He’s a theoretical physicist focusing on quantum mechanics and string theory. He enjoys comic books, sci-fi and online role-playing games.

There is no doubt he is the king of the nerds.

He’s convinced he’s more intelligent than anyone else (and probably is), so he constantly shows off his knowledge and points out other people’s faults whenever the opportunity arises. He’s rigidly logical, extremely stubborn and completely asocial.

And yet, he steals almost every scene of Big Bang Theory as he absolutely hilarious. Why do we find him so likable?

A pragmatic analysis of Sheldon

The reason we love this unlikely sitcom hero can be partly answered by some of my own linguistic research. For my English Language degree, I studied how the characters in Big Bang Theory create humour by breaking the social conventions of language. To do this, I compared Sheldon’s geeky, socially unaware character with Penny’s, as she is his polar opposite.

To demonstrate this personality clash, I used a pragmatic approach called Grice’s Theory of Implicature (1975). This is the idea that we have a framework of conversational expectations, and that when they are broken, we look for the implicature (a different meaning).

Grice suggests that we all abide by certain conversational rules or ‘maxims’, but they can be broken in different ways to create different implied meanings. I aimed to find out how this varied between Sheldon and Penny in order to create humour.

I found that Sheldon unintentionally breaks Grice’s maxims as he doesn’t understand the rules of conversation and therefore doesn’t realise that he is:

a) Speaking too much
b) Taking something literally
c) Going off on a tangent

Penny however intentionally breaks conversational rules by being sarcastic and rhetorical – the former involves saying the opposite of what you mean, and the latter involves being blindingly obvious. This often confuses Sheldon as he can’t quite grasp sarcasm or rhetorical speak.

According to Piazza, Bednarek and Rossi (2011), linguistic deviance can be used in television discourse, not only to create humour, but to create an interpretation of a character as ‘abnormal’. It seems that both types are in action in Big Bang Theory – Penny breaks rules on purpose for comedic effect, while Sheldon deviates from the norm, signifying his eccentric personality. This creates further humour.

However, I also found that on some occasions Sheldon tries to change his behaviour. We all know that Sheldon has difficulty keeping secrets. In one episode, ‘The Loobenfeld Decay‘, Leonard lies to Penny about his plans for the evening so that he doesn’t have to see her performance in an amateur version of Rent (he doesn’t think she can sing very well).

Sheldon gets roped into this lie and feels very uncomfortable about it. In one scene, Leonard tries to teach Sheldon how to tell a white lie. Sheldon comes up with “When we played chess earlier you were terrific and I can’t wait to play you again” – which, under the circumstances, just sounds like he was being sarcastic as he was obviously lying.

We can also see that as the series progress, Sheldon starts to get better at identifying sarcasm and human emotions.

The lovable robot

So even though Sheldon is an unapologetic genius who avoids human contact and is confused by people’s feelings, he still tries to function normally. Seeing Sheldon’s soft side can be quite heart-warming. Like when he gets sick and needs Penny to sing the lullaby ‘Soft Kitty’ to him. And it’s a big moment when he hugs Penny for the first time. He even manages to get a girlfriend later in the series.

It’s also hard not to laugh when he gets into situations he’s not used to, such as when he gets drunk from only one sip of alcohol, or when a woman asks to sleep in his bed, only for him to assume he had to sleep somewhere else.

Not only that, but I’m sure a lot viewers can identify with some of Sheldon’s behaviours. Everyone has a slightly nerdy or eccentric side. I’m sure many people have difficulty coping when they are interrupted, when they have to keep a secret or when they hear arguing. It’s hard to put on a smile when someone else succeeds and you don’t.

This is why we love Sheldon. His oddities make us laugh and his sensitive side brings a tear to the eye. Although we know we aren’t as intelligent, bizarre and socially awkward as he is, there are things that do make sense to us. He points out the absurdities of life and questions why we act the way we do. He’s not afraid to stand up for himself, even if he is at odds with others.

However I think I’m right in saying that there some people out there who know a lot about something but will refrain from going on about it as they don’t want to appear geeky.

But I think we can all learn a lesson from Sheldon. Don’t worry what people think of you. Speak your mind, even if you think people won’t agree with you. And if you’re passionate about something, embrace it and be proud of it…just don’t go as far as mixing hydrogen peroxide and saturated potassium iodide with dish soap and deploy it in your rival’s lab for foamy vengeance…

Exclusive Interview with Liz Davies: Don’t worry, be in the moment!

07 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by in 'Reasons to be Beautiful' articles, Interviews, Mind, Psychology

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Liz Davies, a qualified councillor and spiritual teacher, has worked in the mental health field for 12 years as a psychological well-being practitioner for the NHS, helping people with stress, anxiety and depression management and other common mental health problems. She recently set up Angelic Interventions, which offers workshops and one-to-one sessions combining psychological techniques such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, with spiritual methods such as meditation. I had a chat with Liz about her new practice and the topic of worrying.

RTBB: What made you decide to set up Angelic Interventions? 
Liz Davies: I wanted to spread some knowledge about what people can do to help themselves feel better, and in my own style. Setting up this practice allowed me the freedom to tailor the sessions, and I’ve found that the mixture of the psychological and the spiritual works really well. I’ve always been on the spiritual side and after doing my spiritual teacher course I found that the methods really complemented the psychological work I was doing.  People often get ‘spiritual’ confused with ‘religious’, but they’re very different things. Being spiritual is more about appreciating yourself and the world around you.

RTBB: Why do people worry?
LD: A common reason is that people think that worrying will help them to control the outcome. People have the mistaken belief that it is helpful to worry and that if they don’t, they won’t be able to cope. They then get into a habit of worrying, and we don’t challenge it as it seems natural to us. It’s also about a need for certainty. A lot of people don’t feel comfortable with uncertainty so worrying becomes a way of feeling that you are prepared for the worst. However, uncertainty is part of life, so in a way worrying about the future is quite pointless because it puts us into a state of anxiety and doesn’t solve the problem.

RTBB: What are the negative effects that worrying can have on our lives?
LD: When we’re worrying, we’re basically not living our lives in the moment. When we’re dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, we’re missing out on all the things that we could be enjoying in the present. Our senses are redundant a lot of the time because we’re so wrapped up in our heads or in distractions. When you’re living in the present you’re actually calmer, more alert and able to cope with things easier. If you fully engage yourself in the moment then there’s a lot to be found. The practice of mindfulness talks about paying attention to what’s going on right now by engaging your senses. For example, if you’re doing some work and are worried about the deadline, take a break and mindfully make some coffee. Notice the grains of coffee and sugar, listen to the water as you pour it in, feel the warmth of the mug and appreciate the smell and taste of the coffee. Savour the experience. This can be very relaxing, and if you apply this to your life generally it can lower your anxiety.

RTBB: Can worrying ever be a good thing?
LD: Worrying evolved as a way of helping us to solve our problems. If we weren’t ever anxious about anything or vigilant to any kind of threat, we wouldn’t care about anything and we’d never get anything done. So there’s a certain level of anxiety that we need to keep us on our toes and be able to solve a problem when it comes along. “What if” worries don’t help us because they get you into a spiral of negative thoughts which, in turn, affect your mood, making you feel more down. Catch yourself when you’re getting into a negative loop of worrying and switch your thought process to something that’s going to help you.

RTBB: How can people effectively cope with their worries?
LD: Sometimes it’s not a practical problem that can be solved as it’s out of your control. The best thing to do in that situation is learn to let go of your worry, and accept that it is not helpful to you. There are other things you can do, like distracting yourself in a positive way by doing something you enjoy. Anything creative is brilliant as in gets you into the moment and out of your head. You can also set yourself a ‘worry time’ where spend half an hour at the end of the day going through your worries. Whenever a worry comes to you during the day, write it down and literally worry about it later. Then, when its worry time, you sit down with your list and you might find that some of those things aren’t worrying you anymore. You might also find that some of them are practical problems that you need to solve, in which case you can use that time constructively to work out a solution. It’s also helpful to talk it over with other people. Putting your worries into words, verbally or on paper, can help you process it and even see a way through.

RTBB: How can cognitive behavioural therapy help?
LD: The CBT model says that we can’t change our mood directly but we can change our thoughts and challenge our behaviour. CBT talks about using evidence to question how acceptable the worry is. For example, if you’re worrying about failing an exam you would ask yourself “How many exams have I done well in?”, “How many exams have I worried about but went alright in the end?”. If you find that there’s not much evidence for the worry, you need to come up with a more realistic view of the situation. Accept that you’re nervous and that it’s important for you to do well, but realise that you’ve coped with exams in the past, you’ve revised and you can only do your best. CBT is about changing you irrational thoughts into more balanced and fair thoughts.

RTBB: How can meditation help people relax?
LD: A lot of it’s to do with taking yourself out of your buzzing thoughts and mental chatter, and bringing yourself into your body so that you’re focusing on your breathing, for example. Mindfulness of breathing meditation involves concentrating on each breath whenever your thoughts start to wander, which physically and mentally relaxes yourself. It can help you to learn to bring yourself into the moment and let go of the worries. The time out also helps you to just gain some clarity on things, and you’ll start to feel calmer generally.

RTBB: You mentioned about maintaining balance, how can people maintain a balance in life generally?
LD: One method is the see-saw model. On one side you have your worries and on the other you have your resources – the things that help you cope. If you’ve got a lot of worries, you need to focus more on making sure you’ve got enough resources in place, otherwise the see-saw will tip. It’s common when people are really busy for them to squeeze out the stuff in their life that help them. They think they haven’t got enough time, energy or motivation, so they just don’t bother. Resources can be a range of activities: exercise, mediation, yoga, spending time with friends, music and art. Doing things that you enjoy boosts your energy levels and it helps you to cope better.

RTBB: Anything you’d like to add?
LD: Don’t beat yourself up. The most important thing that I have learned is to be compassionate to yourself. Whatever your habits are, just accept that it’s just a pattern that you’ve fallen into as you were trying to help yourself. Forgive yourself and find a new method for the long term. Then it’s just a matter of doing new things – practicing to live in the moment, learning to let things go and making sure you’ve things in your life that give you a balance and bring you joy.

If you’re in the Brighton area and want to find out more about anxiety or stress management, come along to Liz’ free taster workshop on 11th August. For more information visit http://angelic-interventions.com/

The Power of Language: How it shapes yourself and your experiences

27 Friday Jul 2012

Posted by in 'Reasons to be Beautiful' articles, Careers, Lifestyle, Psychology

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I recently came across this quote from Michele Toomey, psychologist and author of Social Interaction: Shaping Each Other’s Lives:

“Words can inform our mind, caress and comfort our feelings, excite and thrill our spirit, or warm and kindle the flame of our hearts. They can also slap our face, punch us in the stomach, rattle our nerves, kill our desire, or destroy our self-confidence. Of course this is metaphorical, but these metaphors capture in words our physical reactions to what is said, and that is the power of language. It can emotionally move and affect us as powerfully as physical actions.”

It got me thinking that even the simplest articulated sound or written word can have a huge impact on others and ourselves. After all, language is our preferred method of communication, and we use it to create an effect every day – from complimenting a friend to give them a boost, to cracking a joke to make someone laugh. I have always been fascinated by the power of words. I even spent 3 years of my life studying them. One thing I have learned is that words don’t just convey meaning, they are a force.

It was only recently that I really realized how strong that force is. From updating and tailoring my CV to filling out online applications, I have been harnessing language in order to sell myself and find a job, and it has to be done just right in order to show you have the skills and the potential to slot into the job, without using empty words, sounding cheesy or using clichés.

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Language defines you

The truth is, the language we use can have a massive impact on the way we are viewed. It’s been found that being able to communicate effectively is more important to employers than actual qualifications. According to an International Employer Barometer survey, ‘soft’ skills including communication skills and team working are the most important capabilities sought amongst new graduates, with over 85% of employers regarding these as important, compared to 60% rating a good degree qualification as important.

This is good news for those who may not be as studious, and suggests that if we can use the right language, showing we can communicate effectively, we’re on the road to success. But what exactly is the ‘right language’?

These days we are so careless with what we say, especially in the age of Facebook, Twitter and blogs. We comment without thought, tweet our every move, and click publish without re-reading. Because we use language so automatically and unconsciously, we treat it lightly – we don’t think about how it influences the people around us. We think that because we can hide behind our screens, we can use language however we want.

With the growing importance of social media, online language is becoming just as important as language face-to-face. The language we use online is an extension of our personality. That’s why it’s so important that we think about what we write and say, and choose our words carefully.

Language shapes your experience

Words aren’t only important to those we direct them to, but ourselves. Another thing I have learned is that language shapes the way we experience the world. According to Marketing Strategist, Ivana Taylor, publisher of DIYMarketers, the words you use could actually be sabotaging your own success.

Taylor says that people use the words ‘but’, ‘want’, ‘should’, ‘try’ and ‘hope’ not only with a high frequency, but also in a context that puts people in a negative mindset.
These are all things I have said recently: “I’d love to buy that dress, but I can’t afford it”, “I want to get a job”, “I should contact that company”, “I’ll try to update my CV”, “I hope I find a flat”.

Observe how every one of these statements is self-defeating – they are all potential actions that go undone and therefore have no impact. Ivana Taylor suggests that you should transform passive words into powerful actions:

  • Replacing ‘but’ with ‘and’ gives you more options by turning an excuse into a possibility – “how can I afford to buy the dress?”, and possibly a solution.
  • Replacing ‘want’ with ‘am’, changes a usually passive word into a verb. “I am getting a job” puts you more in control of the outcome.
  • ‘Should’ and ‘try’ are both weak words which shift the blame if you don’t succeed. Substituting them with ‘will’ leaves no room to change your mind. Thus “I will contact that company” and “I will update my CV” both demonstrate strong positive actions.
  • ‘Hope’ can go either way – you can be hopeful or have hope. However, when you find yourself hoping without an action plan in place, swap the word ‘hope’ with a word like ‘intend.’ Instead of hoping to find a flat, intend to find one.

Language can make you proactive

So using language in a positive and meaningful way changes your outlook on situations and can help you put your own thoughts into actions. Don’t speak out of habit or convenience, speak of with a clear purpose. Realise the potential your language has to create and transform your life.

Depending on how you wield it, language is an immensely powerful tool. It can be the weapon that weakens, or the medicine that heals. And with great power…well, you know the rest!

Procrastination: The Causes and Cures

04 Wednesday Jul 2012

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Everyone procrastinates, let’s face it. Having spent three years as a student I am no stranger to putting work off to the last minute. My final year was the worst, not only the fact that I wasn’t keen on starting daunting assignments straight away, but that living with a house-full of avid procrastinators made us all mess around together. Working with words also lends itself to procrastination; I have had writer’s block on countless occasions, and instead of getting on with the task at hand I have found myself organising my photos, shopping online, and tweeting about how far behind I was.

Everyone is familiar with the “I’ll do it tomorrow”, “it’s not due for another week”and “ooh another drunk-person-falling-over video!” mentality. It is normal to procrastinate to some degree; at least 95 percent of people say they procrastinate occasionally. So why do we choose to put ourselves in stressful situations by leaving it to the eleventh hour? It only brings panic, guilt and disapproval for not meeting deadlines. These feelings can encourage further procrastination. It can become a vicious circle.

Why procrastinate?
Psychologist Neil Fiore, author of The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt- Free Play, has suggested procrastination is a mechanism for coping with the anxiety involved with completing a task. Others such as Dr. Piers Steel, one of the world’s leading researchers in motivation and procrastination and author of The Procrastination Equation: How to Stop Putting Things Off and Start Getting Stuff Done, suggest that low self-confidence and a dislike of the task play a role. There have even been links to Freud’spleasure principle – we put off what we don’t want to do, thinking it will bring on negative emotions, and instead fulfil our desire to feel good by taking part in distractions.

However, Piers Steel indicates impulsiveness is a key factor. He says that most people who procrastinate are impulsive as they value what they can have today more than what they can have tomorrow. Steel suggests we’d rather do something that has immediate rewards, like checking Facebook, than study for an exam that is weeks in the future.
Interestingly, this is an adaptive natural tendency. Clinical psychologist Nando Pelusi, author of The Ups and Downs of Ambition, states that our ancestors were more worried about survival on a day to day basis. Short-term thinking was essential, but planning was limited to solving immediate problems. Thinking about the future was a distraction from survival. This may no longer be an issue today, but it is harder to get down to tasks that don’t give us short-term pleasure and may cause short-term pain.

Joseph Ferrari, author of Still Procrastinating? The No Regret Guide To Getting It Done, states that everyone procrastinates, but not everybody is a procrastinator. His research suggests 20 percent of people in the U.S. are chronic procrastinators, which is much more than it used to be, and higher than those diagnosed with depression and phobias. Technology may have something to do with this; we have no end of distractions at our fingertips which can serve as instant rewards.

Before you can think about overcoming procrastination, it is important to understand that there are different kinds of procrastinators. Pamela Wiegartz, author of The Worrier’s Guide to Overcoming Procrastination, suggests that some people delay tasks on purpose so that they have the challenge of the looming deadline to motivate them to work hard. They have no desire to change as they feel in control of their time and live in the moment. These are known as active procrastinators. Timothy A. Pychyl, author of Procrastinator’s Digest says that the idea that they work best under pressure provides additional enjoyment and motivation to procrastinate. Other people, however, may delay tasks because they worry about failing, have perfectionist expectations and are indecisive; They are known as passive procrastinators, and can experience constant stress and anxiety.

Tips for Productivity
Whether you’re an active or passive procrastinator, and you want to combat the problem, trying harder to get things done will not work. You must first understand the cause of your procrastination – be it distractions, avoidance of tasks you dislike or fear of failure – before you create a long-term solution.

  1. Banish distractions: distractions are a major cause of procrastination. The urge to chat with your friends, check your e-mails and play games can often sidetrack you from the task. You can minimise online distractions by downloading a program called ‘Cold Turkey’ which temporarily blocks your access to popular social media sites, websites and online games. Create a tidy workspace, preferably work alone, and then schedule time to see friends so you’re not completely out of the loop.
  1. Be decisive: people with a perfectionist mindset spend too much time making decisions about their work. Yes, it is important to weigh your options carefully and make informed decisions, but time can be wasted, delaying the project further. Avoid this by setting aside some time each day for making decisions and set a date for completing this process.
  1. Get organised: if you have a lot of small tasks to complete and don’t know where to start, prioritise them by making a list of them all and ranking them in order of importance, based on when they’re due. Then set yourself mini-deadlines to finish a few every day. For complex, daunting tasks, break them down into easy to handle chunks and set goals for completing the individual sections.
  1. Increase rewards: to make a task feel more immediate, focus on the short-term rewards. Treat yourself to a coffee break or a quick chat with a friend once you’ve finished a task.
  1. Believe in yourself: A fear of failure causes the passive procrastinator to put off work. They will subconsciously delay the completion of the project because they are nervous about the result or reaction. To overcome this type of procrastination, visualize yourself succeeding in the project and imagine the steps that you will need to take in order to succeed. Once you have visualized the steps, act on them.
    So don’t put off what you can do today! Find motivation in the fact that when all your work is done you’ll feel so much better for it, and you’ll be able to immerse yourself in all distractions you desire…

How to keep your cool during public speaking

24 Sunday Jun 2012

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that speaking in public is the most terrifying thing you will ever do in your life. Heart racing, uncontrollable wobbly knees, parched mouth, and hands shaking like jelly…sound familiar? Even the most experienced performers and business people get the jitters when it comes to public speaking. It takes guts to stand up in front of an audience and give a well-structured, interesting talk. Be it giving presentations, making speeches or even having an interview, we will all come across public speaking, which is why being able to cope with it is an excellent skill to have.

I have a particular disliking for public speaking. I’ve had to give several presentations throughout my university life. I would dread the experience and worry that I would lose the ability to control my arms and legs and, in turn, make a fool out of myself. Beforehand, my palms would begin to sweat and my heart would beat 100 times a minute. When it came to my turn I would be a nervous wreck and my mind would go blank. During the presentation I would read straight from my notes, speak so quickly that I couldn’t breathe and just want it to be over. On one occasion, my legs did literally feel like jelly and I had to sit down for the rest of the presentation.

In short, my fight or flight response to a threatening situation was overactive due to my maladaptive thoughts, which impeded my ability to function. If you are prone to feeling nervous, like me, presentations can be the most stressful situations you can be placed in. Natural reactions to public speaking shouldn’t have to hinder you from getting your message across. According to Bryan Salter, author of Effective Presenting, nerves can actually be a good thing; they get the adrenaline flowing in order to help you give the best performance. Beyonce once said, “I get nervous when I don’t get nervous. If I’m nervous I know I’m going to have a good show”. So there is no way to not be anxious, you just need to learn how to embrace the nerves. This can be done through a combination of learning to control your mind and body.

Using these 10 steps should help you tackle any situation confidently.

Keep Calm and Carry On

Think Positively: Negative attitudes are the root of public speaking anxiety. Thinking that you will be unable to control your body and therefore seem incompetent to the audience will actually make your fears come to life, in a vicious circle. In A Complete Guide to Public Speaking, author Jeffrey P. Davidson suggests that visualisation and affirmation can help dispel negative thoughts. In advance of the event, before you go to sleep, visualise yourself presenting to the audience confidently, speaking articulately and inspiring the audience. Imagine how happy you will feel when everyone applauds at the end. Then reaffirm this by replaying it over and over, telling yourself “It can be done”.

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Practise, practise, practise: You’ve written your speech and now you need to rehearse. Management Guide, F. John Reh suggests delivering your speech to yourself out loud to see how it flows. If possible, practise it on one or two people, and keep rehearsing until you are comfortable and familiar with your speech.

Breathe: The best way to regain control of your voice is to control your breathing. Before the presentation, make an effort to take long, deep breaths to calm yourself. Continue this during the presentation, making sure you give yourself pauses to breathe.

Keep your hands busy: If you’re shaking like a leaf and need something to do with your hands, hold on to cue cards (much less obvious than rustling paper) or, if possible, lean on a table or hold on to the lectern. Remember that you feel more awkward than you look.

Pace yourself: Speaking too quickly is a common effect of the extra adrenaline, and can stop you from breathing properly. Actively slow down your speech, taking in every word as you read it. Pausing can also help, especially between sections in order to help you and your audience mentally prepare. Have a glass of water handy in case you get a dry mouth, and drinking it will give you more time to collect your thoughts.

Use words you know: It sounds obvious but there is no need to use fancy long words and jargon if you’re going to worry about forgetting them. Don’t panic if you can’t remember a specific, elaborate way you were going to say something, the audience won’t know this. Just concentrate on articulating your message in simple terms and it will help you and your listeners.

Don’t think of the audience as the enemy: according to Aaron Beck and Gary Emery’s Anxiety Disorders And Phobias:
A Cognitive Perspective, in public speaking situations, your body uses a primitive defence response that was once evolutionary useful when there was possible danger. This however does not mean the audience is a threat. They are not there to judge you; they are ordinary people who recognise public speaking is daunting and just want you to do your best. Avoid making a barrier between yourself and your listeners by establishing eye contact. Visualisation can also come in handy here – imagine the audience is made up of a few of your close friends, or alternatively there is the old favourite of imagining them stark naked!
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Be enthusiastic: You’ve done the research and prepared your speech so you should be an expert on the topic. Enjoy the fact that you are sharing your wisdom with the audience and they will be genuinely interested.

Smile!: When appropriate, smiling can make your voice more animated. According to Management guide, F. John Reh, a smile will help your audience respond more positively to you and it will also help you feel better.

Be yourself: Don’t pretend you don’t suffer from nerves, this only makes things worse. It is okay to admit you are nervous at the beginning – the audience will understand. The truth is, you’re not a comedian or a politician, you’re an ordinary person trying to get your message across. Don’t try to be something you’re not and focus on speaking clearly and confidently.