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Category Archives: ‘This Festival Feeling’ articles

Isle of Wight Festival 2013: Review

03 Tuesday Sep 2013

Posted by Yoga Panther in 'This Festival Feeling' articles, Arts, Music

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ben howard, bon jovi, ellie goulding, festival, imagine dragons, Isle of Wight, kodaline, mista jam, palma violets, the killers, the maccabees

Isle of Wight Festival

Despite the adverse weather, lack of sleep and the tent collapsing, Isle of Wight festival was still one of the best festivals I’ve been to. Being at the front for Bon Jovi and having a massive ‘Living on a Prayer’ sing-along must have had something to do with that.

Isle of Wight Festival

We eventually made it to Seaclose Park on Friday morning, after sat nav decided to break. The ominous grey clouds soon subsided and we were actually sweating as we lugged our paraphernalia to the camp site. After making sure our tent was firmly pegged down (the weather predicted 50mph gusts), we set off to explore the festival site.

A long stretch of field took us from the Dance Tent, past various stalls selling novelty trinkets and fast food, to the Big Top and the towering Main Stage at the far end. Here we sat and just took in the vibe as indie rockers Palma Violets played ‘Best of Friends’ and ‘We Found Love’.

Of course we couldn’t resist going back to the stalls and getting matching Isle of Wight Festivalfriendship bracelets. I also got a henna tattoo on my wrist, which is meant to be left to dry for an hour – so of course we decided to hit the Dance Tent for MistaJam Presents Speakerbox. It was slightly surreal raving at 4pm in a tent with only a few others to banging tunes from resident DJ Bitr8. The Southampton DJ rattled off the biggest hits of the moment with a dubstep twist, along with an insane remix of Marvin Gaye’s ‘Let’s Get it On’.

After a random interlude involving meeting a couple of monkey-onsie-wearing guys on a stag do and seeing how many festivalgoers we could high five in a Borat accent, we hit the Big Top for Ellie Goulding. As feared, the tent was Isle of Wight Festivalabsolutely rammed. People were scrambling forwards just to catch a glimpse of her bleach blonde locks and toned limbs. We were blown away by her pitch-perfect angelic vocals in anthemic synth-pop love songs such as ‘Figure 8’, ‘Explosions’ and ‘Only You’.

Her emotional cover of ‘Your Song’ was almost drowned out by everyone singing along and there was plenty of pogo-ing for her epic summer tune with Calvin Harris ‘I Need Your Love’. I thought that might be the grand finale but she came out with ‘Lights’ which morphed into the Bassnectar dubstep remix of the track. She still wasn’t finished. She ended with old favourite ‘Starry Eyed’ and by then we were well and truly awestruck.

We decided to stay put in the Big Top for Delilah as we had a chance to get nearIsle of Wight Festival the front. After an awkward start with the mic not working and her revelation that she had laryngitis, she soldiered on with the support of the audience – and a cup of tea. Despite her illness she nailed ‘Inside My Love’, ‘Love You So’ and the spine-chilling ‘Go’. We were slightly disappointed she didn’t sing her Chase & Status collaboration ‘Time’ – but then she did have laryngitis.

We decided to call it a night but we could still hear Example when we got back to the tent. Cue gale-force winds and hammering rain. Combined with the sound of trucks driving past and the piercing cry of a girl who’s tent had come apart, I didn’t sleep a wink for fear that our own tent would pack it in too.

Isle of Wight FestivalUnsurprisingly I was shattered on Saturday. We met up with a few friends with day tickets and discovered some other areas of the festival such as the Bohemian Woods. Here I let a hammock consume me and I honestly could have fallen asleep there and then to the laidback reggae.

We headed to the Main Stage and chilled out as Willy Mason played his Cash-esque country tunes. I had a cheeky nap during Laura Mvula, but the sun broke though and gently woke me up for the soulful sound of ‘That’s Alright’ and ‘Green Garden’.

I am so thankful for the chilly wind that forced us to go back to the tent for warmer clothes, as it was then that we discovered our tent had indeed collapsed. The poles had ripped through the fabric and it was literally blowing away. We gathered our things, disposed of our tent and dumped everything in the car. I don’t know what we would have done without it!

Our tent palaver meant we unfortunately missed Bastille at the Main Stage, but we did make it back in time for Ben Howard, who eased our stress with his dulcet tones. I had shivers run down my spine as he played ‘The Fear’ and his voice was

Isle of Wight Festival like honey for ‘Only Love’ and ‘Old Pine’. He seemed so humbled by the packed-out Main Stage. Such a nice chap.

Indie rockers The Maccabees followed and played a good mix of new and old. Stand out tracks for me were ‘Pelican’, ‘Feel to Follow’ and ‘Love You Better’. Next up was Bloc Party and I was taken back to my school days as Kele sung ‘Banquet’ and ‘Helicopter’. My favourite track ‘Flux’ sounded amazing live, as did their brand new song ‘Rachet’ with its pitch-bending guitars.

Isle of Wight Festival We were practically at the front for Saturday headliner The Killers. They kept us waiting but that didn’t stop us chanting “I got soul but I’m not a soldier”. My lack of sleep was taking its toll but the nostalgia kept me going – they kicked off straightaway with classic track and favourite ‘Mr Brightside’, while ‘Human’ and ‘Somebody Told Me’ got me quite emotional. Brandon Flowers effortlessly worked the crowd and there were lights and lasers galore, even pyrotechnic explosions for ‘Miss Atomic Bomb’. The big finish came after ‘When You Were Young’ with confetti and kick-arse fireworks. Out with a bang indeed.

I was much more refreshed after a good night’s sleep in the car, but only as Isle of Wight Festival refreshed as you can be on the third day of a festival, without showering. By now you could easy tell the campers from the day ticket holders – the former had thrown on whatever they could find in their damp rucksack and looked a bit worse for wear – the latter were sporting their best festival attire which had probably been planned weeks in advance.

After a nice sit down on an inflatable sofa and spotting a group of fluorescent ninjas causing mischief we made our way to the Big Top for Kodaline. The Dublin quartet played tracks from their recently released debut album ‘In a Perfect World’: Isle of Wight Festival the upbeat and carefree ‘Love Like This’ took me to an Irish pub, while ‘High Hopes’ pulled on my heart strings as the delicate piano ballad a built into a tear-jerking love anthem.

Throughout the gig lead singer Stephen Garrigan was so grateful of crowd’s reception, saying that they’d played gigs for two people before. They ended with the heart-wrenching ‘All I Want’, where Stephen trembles ‘If you loved me why’d you leave me?’ This got us all swaying as we sung along to every word and every ‘Oh-woah-oh-oh’.

We stayed at the front for Imagine Dragons who put on an incredibly dynamic show, and were probably my favourite act. Each member of the Las Vegas four-piece had his own drum, so it often turned into an energetic percussion fest Isle of Wight Festivalreminiscent of Stomp. They showcased tracks from their first studio album Night Visions including the 80s synth-pop ‘Tiptoe’ and the very catchy ‘It’s Time’ with its folk-style strumming and clapping.

Although reminiscent of other bands, they let their own style shine through. ‘Hear Me’ was very Killers-esque (it was actually recorded at the Battle Born studio) and ‘Demons’ started out like a long lost Coldplay track. Front man Dan Reynolds had so much stage presence, often coming down to see the front row fans. ‘I’m on Top of The World’ with its positive pop vibe came before final song Isle of Wight Festival ‘Radioactive’. This invigorating bass-heavy track translated brilliantly live with its dramatic drumming interlude with violins. Simply breathtaking.

We made our way to the front of the Main Stage as Paloma Faith nailed ‘New York’ and prepared ourselves for The Script. Highlights were of course ‘Breakeven’ and ‘The Man Who Can’t Be Moved’ which prompted emotional large-scale sing-alongs. Lead singer Danny O’Donoghue dedicated the heart-rending ‘If You Could See Me Now’ to his Dad as it was Fathers’ Day. He made full use of the stage and walkways to greet adoring women, toss his jacket into the audience and generally run around like a crazy Irish bloke. Their grand finale was the uplifting ‘Hall of Fame’, complete with confetti blasts.Isle of Wight Festival

This was it. The headliner of the festival. The incredible Bon Jovi. Being so near the front I was slightly star-struck by the 80s rocker. They kicked off with the classic ‘You Give Love A Bad Name’, followed by ‘It’s My Life’ and their newest track ‘Because We Can’. Throughout the performance Jon got lots of audience participation, from clapping and hand actions to drawn-out chorus sing-alongs.

He was really busting out the moves – a cross bewteen Dad dancing and Mick Isle of Wight Festival Jagger. Speaking of The Stones they did a great cover of ‘Start Me Up’ as well as Fogerty’s ‘Rockin’ All Over The World’. The truly epic encore included ‘Dead or Alive’, ‘Have a Nice Day’ and of course they finished with their signature rock anthem ‘Living on a Prayer’, which got us singing at the tops of our lungs, arms aloft. Just amazing.

We made our way out of the site as fireworks lead the way. A perfect way to end the festival.

– Published at This Festival Feeling

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8 tips for stress-free festivaling

05 Friday Jul 2013

Posted by Yoga Panther in 'This Festival Feeling' articles

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camping, festivals, Music, tent

campr.co.uk

With the festival season well under way, it’s time to start the all-important pre-fest preparations. If you don’t have eleventy hundred quid to splurge on fancy glamping options such as yurts, squrts and pop-up hotels, I’m afraid you’re going to have to slum it with the rest of us.

But it needn’t be hell in a tent before you’ve even hit the festival site. Whether you’re a keen festival-goer or you’re thinking about going for the first time, following these tips will help you make the most of your music festival experience.

Be prepared

Before you go, make a list of everything you will need. This checklist is extremely useful. If you think it’s going to be a muddy one and want to rid yourself of grime after a long day of field raving, then wet wipes and antibacterial gel are essentials. It’s definitely worth queuing for showers if they’re available, if not, dry shampoo will become your best friend.

Remember you’ll be carrying a tent, roll mat, sleeping bag, (booze), as well as your rucksack, so make sure it doesn’t weigh a tonne. You probably won’t fit a pillow in your bag, but I found that bringing a pillow case and filling it with clothes sufficed.

Pack for all weathers

Check the forecast before you leave to get a feel for the weather. Even if it says it’s going to be swelteringly hot and sunny, don’t believe it. Do pack your sun cream and sun glasses, but it doesn’t hurt to pack your rain mac/poncho/umbrella, whatever it is that will shield you from a surprise downpour.

Wellies are a must. I lugged mine all the way to Belgium from the UK, just in case. It ended up being extremely hot, but you never know – Pukkelpop had a freak storm the year before. Don’t get caught out!

Be realistic

So you’ve packed your Ray-Bans, your digital camera and your iPhone. Think again! Don’t take anything you would hate to see get ruined. I bought a pair of Primark sun glasses for £1 and they served me well. If you want to take some snaps to remember the experience, bring a cheap camera, or even better, a disposable one. Switch to your old brick phone – who wants to be on the Internet all day when you can be enjoying a festival, technology free?

And don’t take loads of clothes. You only really need one outfit per day, a hoodie in case it gets cold at night, sturdy trainers/wellies and maybe a spare t-shirt and shoes, in case you lose one in a most pit/mud fight.

Pitch your tent

Make sure you get to the campsite early to get first pick of the camping spots. Try and be close to the entrance and showers, but far from the portaloos – it’s only a matter of time before they start to pong. I also found that pitching your tent near a landmark will help you find it again when drunk and faced with a sea of similar tents. Why not go next to the idiot who bought a tent in the shape of a boob?

And I cannot stress enough – pin your tent down firmly! Make sure you have enough pegs and really hammer then down. I recently went to Isle of Wight Festival which suffered from strong winds on the first night, leaving a couple tentless. The next day our own tent had collapsed! It would probably help to buy a decent tent too. Ours was pretty cheap, hence its downfall. Be sure to take any valuables with you whenever you leave the campsite.

Keep hydrated

Making sure you drink lots of fluids while you’re at a festival can be hard work – the price of drinks can be ridiculous, the queues can be long and you have to weave it into your packed music schedule. However it is of upmost importance that you keep yourself hydrated, especially at a festival where you can be drinking alcohol, dancing and, if you’re lucky, in hot weather. Make sure you find time to buy water, or, if there are free drinking water facilities, make use of them.

Stay safe

If you’re going to have alcohol, take it slow. You want to be able to remember the bands you’ve seen and avoid the stinking hangover the next day. Be careful what you drink and don’t accept alcohol from a stranger as you never know what could be in it. Why not stay sober? Much cheaper and safer!

Don’t get lost either. Try and stick with your friends, but if you do decide to split up, keep in contact via phone or if that fails (and it probably will), arrange a place and time to meet in advance. Don’t forget to protect your ears. According to NHS Choices, festival music can reach over 110 decibels so invest in some ear plugs, it could save your hearing!

Let go

At the end of the day you’ll have to accept that you won’t be in the most luxurious of conditions and that you will have to get up close and personal in crowds of sweaty festival-goers. I actually found that when I was at my sweatiest and dirtiest I had the most fun. Put aside your reservations and enjoy it – you’ll be witnessing amazing live music in an incredible atmosphere with thousands of like-minded people.

You can have a nice bath when you get home.

– Published at This Festival Feeling

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8 of the Best UK Rock Festivals For 2013

05 Friday Jul 2013

Posted by Yoga Panther in 'This Festival Feeling' articles, Arts, Music

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Bloodstock, Download Festival, festivals, Glastonbury, Hard Rock Calling, Isle of Wight Festival, Leeds Festival, Music, Reading Festival, rock, T in The Park, uk, V Festival

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Calling all fans of rock, metal, punk and indie, if you’re planning on hitting the festivals this year, here is your guide to the best UK fests for rock. Some of these may not be considered traditional rock festivals but they have been included as their line-ups feature some huge names in the genre. With bands such as The Rolling Stones, Green Day and Slipknot confirmed for 2013, this is the year for rocking out.

Isle of Wight

13-16 June

Back in 1970, Isle of Wight Festival held the largest rock event ever with 600,000 turning out to see Jimi Hendrix play what would be his final gig. Since its revival in 2002 Isle of Wight hasn’t ceased to bring in the big guns with The Who, The Rolling Stones and David Bowie playing at Seaclose Park. This year will not disappoint: ‘Living on a Prayer’, ‘Waterfall’ and ‘Mr Brightside’ will no doubt initiate sing-alongs of epic proportions as headliners Bon Jovi, The Stone Roses and The Killers take to the main stage.

Download

14-16 June

The ultimate festival for hard rock fans, its title was chosen in 2003 because downloading was a rebellious thing to do at the time, reflecting the rock genre. This year’s killer line-up includes Slipknot, Iron Maiden and Rammstein as headliners, along with Bullet for my Valentine, Queens of the Stone Age, Thirty Seconds to Mars, Black Stone Cherry, Enter Shikari and Limp Bizkit. Head toDownload Festival at Donnington Park in June for guaranteed face-melting guitar riffs.

Glastonbury

28-30 June

It’s back with an bang with probably its most legendary headliner ever, The Rolling Stones. Completing Glastonbury’s all-rock headline acts are iconic indie rockers Arctic Monkeys and the Brit Award-winning folk rockers Mumford & Sons. Also playing the Pyramid Stage are The Vaccines, Vampire Weekend and Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds. The Other Stage will welcome Enter Shikari, Editors and Alt-J, while the John Peel Stage will be graced by Phoenic, Bastille and Everything Everything. Worthy Farm won’t know what’s hit it.

Hard Rock Calling

29-30 June

This two-day festival is known for bringing massive names to the heart of London, covering everything from indie to rock ‘n’ roll. 2013 will be no different with British indie-rockers Kasabian headlining Saturday and Bruce Springsteen finishing what he started last year by headlining Sunday. Joining them are Paul Weller, Alabama Shakes, Klaxons and many more. If you couldn’t get a Glastonbury ticket, this fest if over the same weekend. Make sure you don’t head to Hyde Park, as this year Hard Rock Calling is moving to the iconic Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park.

T in the Park

12-14 July

Scotland is host to an array of musical talent for July’s mega festival in Kinross. With seven music stages, a fair ground and fancy dress Friday, T in the Park no doubt welcomed a flurry of Glastonbury regulars for last year’s headliners The Stone Roses, Snow Patrol and Kasabian. 2013 will see Mumford and Sons, Phoenix and Imagine Dragons on the Friday; on Saturday there’s Beady Eye, Alt-J and Twin Atlantic; while Sunday boasts The Killers, Foals and Bastille, to name but a few of the acts set to rock the 20th anniversary.

Bloodstock

8-11 August

The home of hard rock, thousands of metalheads flock to the grounds of Catton Hall in Derbyshire for an intense weekend of moshing and even some metal karaoke. Bloodstock Open Air brings the very best of the heavy metal scene including black, goth, death and thrash. BOA will see the likes of Slayer, Anthrax, Lamb of God, Firewind and many more for 2013.

V Festival

17-18 August

Back in ’96, Pulp’s front man Jarvis Cocker decided he wanted to play two outdoor events in two days. More artists were added to the bill and V Festival was born. This year Hylands Park and Weston Park will welcome rock giants Kings of Leon, Stereophonics and Beady Eye, who will play alongside indie favourites The Vaccines, Two Door Cinema Club and Scouting for Girls.

Reading and Leeds

23-25 August

These festival favourites have gone through many musical phases with rock, punk and metal dominating. This year Richfield Avenue and Bramham Park will be headlined by punk rockers Green Day, Scottish band Biffy Clyro and…Eminem. Also rocking the main stage are Fall Out Boy, System of a Down, Bring Me The Horizon, Twin Atlantic and The Blackout. This year’s Reading and Leeds Festival promises ‘More stages, more music and more epic times’.

– Published at This Festival Feeling

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Isle Of Wight Festival 2013: Preview

05 Friday Jul 2013

Posted by Yoga Panther in 'This Festival Feeling' articles, Arts, Music

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ben howard, bon jovi, ellie goulding, festival, imagine dragons, Isle of Wight Festival, jake bugg, kodaline, the killers, the maccabees, the script, the stone roses

Isle of Wight Festival Facebook

So here it is, the first major music festival of the summer, and with a killer line-up it’s set to be one of the best to hit Seaclose Park. Isle of Wight festival never fails to bring in the big guns, and 2013 will be no different with headline acts The Stone Roses, The Killers and Bon Jovi taking the Main Stage by storm. Running from 13th to 16th June, this year’s programme is seriously eclectic with legendary acts joined by some of the best new artists in every genre.

The IOW Main Stage has seen so many epic performances over the years with the likes of Foo Fighters, Paul McCartney, Jay Z, The Rolling Stones, Muse, The Who, David Bowie and Jimi Hendrix rocking the island. This year’s revellers will see indie kings The Maccabees, Bastille and Everything Everything joined by Brit award winners Emeli Sande and Ben Howard. The Boomtown Rats are even reforming for the festival to play their first show since 1986, and there’ll also be appearances from rising stars Jake Bugg, Laura Mvula and Palma Violets.

The Stone Roses will make their only UK festival appearance this year when they headline the Main Stage on Friday night, following Paul Weller who’s returning to IOW after a decade. The Killers will be blowing up the stage on Saturday after the incredible Bloc Party. Sunday will see festival favourite Paloma Faith grace the stage and no doubt The Script will woo the crowd before headliners Bon Jovi initiate a massive Living on a Prayer singalong.

Ellie Goulding will be owning the Big Top on Friday with the help of Rizzle Kicks, Fun. and Delilah, while there’s a dance takeover on Saturday with Sub Focus, Modestep, Zane Lowe, Andy C, Friction and Monsta bringing in the earth-shattering basslines. Sunday is old meets new with Blondie headlining after 90s indie rockers Republica, Imperial Teen and I am Kloot; while Imagine Dragons, Kids in Glass Houses and Young Guns unleash the 21st century rock.

Over at the Dance Tent, Friday headliners Example + DJ Wire will be getting the crowd bouncing with their dance anthems, after Madeon drops his electro house beats and Benga + Youngman inject a hearty dose of dubstep. Thursday campers will also be able to choose between A-trak and Jaguar Skills at the Dance Tent opening night party, or iconic Manchester alt rockers Happy Mondays in the Big Top.

As usual there’ll be plenty to do when the banging tunes are all too much. New this year is the Cabaret Club showcasing comedy, dance and burlesque; The Intoxicated Tearooms with cakes, retro tunes and cocktails served in vintage crockery; and The Bohemian Woods – the perfect place to kick back in a hammock away from the hustle and bustle.

For those seeking the party atmosphere, there’s Life’s a Beach with real sand and pumping beats all day long for the ultimate beach party. The Kashmir Cafe serves the award-winning Isle of Wight brewed real ale and the Hipshaker Lounge celebrates the sound of the 60s. For glampers with some extra cash to splash there’s the Zebra Bar & Champagne Garden or the new Bathing Under the Sky with wood-fired hot tubs and a sauna.

At £185 Isle of Wight is at the cheaper end of the big UK fests and a day ticket’s only £75. If you live on the mainland, make sure you save some money for the ferry and book early.

Nostalgia packed with some great new music to look forward to – let’s just hope there won’t be a repeat of last year with the onslaught of heavy rain causing an absolute mud fest. Even if it is, the good old British it’s-us-against-the-elements mentality is sure to shine through.

– Published at This Festival Feeling

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5 things you probably shouldn’t do at festivals (but happen anyway)

19 Sunday May 2013

Posted by Yoga Panther in 'This Festival Feeling' articles, Music

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Coachella, crowd surfing, festivals, moshing, Pukkelpop

11391550_10152895230027321_3266989784763030270_nFrom crowd surfing to showing a bit more flesh than you should, we’ve all seen it or been part of it. There’s no denying that festivals are the perfect place to let loose, immerse yourself in the music and go a bit crazy, but there are some festivalling styles that can piss people off, or worse, ruin the experience for yourself.

Mosh

It’s that moment when the audience parts like the red sea into a circular wall of death. You have two options here: run and push and shove into the closest person when the music breaks down or get the hell out of there, avoiding the imminent chaos. I know which one I’d choose – after losing my camera and left shoe in a mosh pit, I’ve learnt my lesson. You may have experienced moshing at some point, whether in the thick of it or on the edge of the madness, but if you’re new to festivalling, steer clear if you want to come out in one piece. The same goes for crowd surfing, unless you want to be fondled by strangers.

Take photos and videos of everything

Everyone’s guilty of this snap-happy crime at some point. Of course you want to capture the moment you see your favourite band live and show off your videos and photography via as many social networks as possible. However, when you’re filming a band, you’re viewing it through a tiny screen the whole time and not really experiencing it for real. Then you try and watch it back later – surprise surprise – it doesn’t do them justice and the quality is awful. Just get a few snaps and enjoy the show!

Flash your boobs

Girls: sometimes you find yourself sitting on the bare shoulders of a hench guy, enjoying a perfect view (while people behind you struggle to even see the band). You get excited at the thought of being shown on the big screens and strip to your bikini top. You feel caught up in the moment, and just go for it – you flash your breasts. It may seem like a fun idea at the time, until you watch the festival highlights and spot yourself baring all to thousands of people. Awkward.

Push to the front

Don’t expect to get near the front if you turn up late to an act. I learnt this the hard way when I saw The Black Keys at Pukkelpop. It was almost time for their set on the main stage but we thought we had time to see the beginning of another band. Little did we know, the golden circle had exceeded its capacity. When we arrived we pushed as far as we could but it was impossible to get a good view – and we probably irked a lot of people along the way! Learn from our mistake and claim your space at the front in plenty of time if you want to be in prime position for your favourite band.

Look like an idiot

We’ve all seen them – they neglect their welly boots in torrential rain, wear shorts in the freezing cold and don’t wear sun cream in the blazing sun. Why?! These idiots won’t look or feel good when they’re stuck in the mud, catching pneumonia and covered in awkward sunburn marks. Weather is unpredictable, so be prepared for anything. Even if you’re travelling to hotter climes – pack that cagoule. If you’re going to a UK festie – take your sunglasses and sun cream, just in case!

So dance like a crazy person, sing along to every song (even if you don’t know the lyrics) and make the most of the experience – it may not come round again!  And by all means, laugh at those who do decide to make a fool of themselves and document it on the internet. After all, where would we be without that video of the wasted guy at Coachella who just couldn’t get his flip flops on?

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If Carlsberg did music festivals…

16 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by Yoga Panther in 'This Festival Feeling' articles

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camping, carlsberg, festivals, ideal festival, line-up

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Everyone loves a good festival, but they aren’t all fun and games – the camping, the crowds, the cost. Usually we put up with it as we get to see amazing live bands with like-minded folk, but wouldn’t it be great if we could have our ideal festival experience? Well if Carlsberg did festivals they’d probably be the best festivals in the world.

What’s this about £200 for a ticket? Oh no, the ticket would be reasonably priced and the buying process would be hassle-free. When packing, everything slots perfectly into your rucksack and it wouldn’t give you back-ache after walking a few feet. The journey is seamless, allowing you to arrive early and have first pick of the camping spots.

Your tent assembles itself in prime location, not too far from the toilets, but not so close that you are overpowered by the portaloo stink. Scrap that. There would be no unpleasant smells as you would have access to luxury facilities with hot-water showers. Oh and did I mention, your pimped-out TARDIS-style tent includes comfortable beds, a dressing room for UV-paint application, a massive-arse sound system and a patio for beers and a BBQ. There would have been a Jacuzzi in there too but then you’d never leave the camp site…

After freshening up you take a look around the festival site, just a short, scenic, Segway journey away. There’s something for everyone with stages for indie, dance, acoustic, dubstep, metal, folk, and rap music, and main stages for rock and pop. An excellent selection of cuisine is on offer, and you don’t have to queue for it. Bottled water doesn’t cost an arm and a leg – and you even get to keep the lid! Everything’s going well, the sun is shining and now all you’re looking forward to is the music.

That horrible moment when you realise that Chase and Status are on at the same time as Foo Fighters. What to do? Do you go to one and head to the other half way through, compromising your crowd position and time spent with each, or do you make the impossible decision between two great acts?

If Carlsberg did festivals, there wouldn’t be any kind of clash. To cater for everyone’s eclectic taste, the headliners for each genre would be arranged throughout the days in order of intensity, not all at once at the end. Wake up to the dulcet tones of Bon Iver, have a leisurely brunch to Mumford & Sons, luncheon with Beyonce, dinner with Dizzee Rascal, rock out to The Killers, and rave the night away to Skrillex’s dirty beats.

If you fancied a break from the banging tunes, you could head over to one of the alternative stages. The Nostalgia stage would feature The Spice Girls in their heyday and Britney Spears before she shaved her head. The YouTube stage would bring hours of procrastination to life. Of course Psy would headline for a large scale Gangnam Style dance off, and Midnight Beast and The Lonely Island would also bring out their musical parodies.

It’s the headline act you’ve been anticipating for the whole festival. Heck, they’re the reason you came in the first place. But you’re no fool; you claim your space in the golden circle well in advance. [Insert favourite band here] grace the stage and you witness [insert lead singer here] from the front row as you sing along to their every word. It’s the best show you’ve ever seen – complete with laser displays, insane visuals and classic tracks. A rowdy festivalgoer elbows you in the face and you’re missing a shoe, but you’re not bothered as you’ve completely surrendered to the music.

After the epic encore [insert drummer here] throws out a drumstick and your friends lift you up as you catch it. The whole moment is captured on camera, as well as on the big screens for all to see. [Insert guitarist here] chucks out some plectrums – you swipe one of those too, you ninja. There’s a mad scramble afterwards for the set lists but luckily you befriended one of the security guards earlier who hands one over. You are the envy of everyone in the immediate area. You are then whisked away to the VIP area to have photos with the band, receive signed limited edition albums and get absolutely wasted together.

Carlsberg – you really need to do festivals!

Published at This Festival Feeling

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Sam Graham Yoga Teacher

I'm Sam Graham – a yoga teacher and content editor with a love of Japanese culture.

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